A New Foe

Today a new foe: the demon of cloth which consumes one, beginning with the head.

Sensing its foul designs upon me, I removed it at once.

It must have some influence over the weak-minded, as, once I had finally freed myself from its terrible jaws, the attendants attempted to replace it.

This struggle continued until I denounced its evil at such volume and with such passion that the creature was hastily banished to the underneath of the moving apparatus and I was taken to the cool place beneath the leaves.

I doubt this fiend will attempt such an assault upon me again.


Interminable Silence

I awoke, as usual, to the first call of the first bird, before the arrival of the light.

In a genial mood, I sounded a cheerful greeting to my attendants, so that they might join me.

They did not.

It was only when summoned at great volume that one of them finally and sluggishly made way to my chamber.

It became once again clear to me, in the interminable silence between the bird’s first and second salutation, that even the smallest gesture of civility is invariably interpreted as laxness and gives way to licence.

The Grandattendants

Today I spent a pleasant afternoon in the company of the Grandattendants.

I find their visits provide an excellent opportunity to demonstrate how simple my needs are, and how pleasant and agreeable my disposition, if I am only waited upon with some small degree of competence.

I take care to never raise my voice at the Grandattendants (even though they too are of unsound understanding and rarely comply with even the most basic request) so that my own attendants might learn that on those occasions my ire is invoked, it is certainly deserved, and those at which it is directed should feel great shame.

Indeed, the Grandattendants themselves express these exact sentiments loudly and often, which pleases me.

The Outside

They still do not understand about the Outside.

There is a carriage but it does not please me. I either see their faces and nothing else, or the Outside and not their faces, in which case – who knows what trouble is brewing?

Then there is an assortment of garments they attempt don so they might pick me up and wear me. This is an outrage without compare. There is a garment with hood, there is a garment with a bear on the front, and there is a garment of dark hue and no adornment.

They all have many straps and buckles and always the attendants call to their gods for help.

No help comes and I protest their attempts.

Today was a little better. The tall one was alone with me and particularly flustered. She tried each of the garments in turn, as well as the carriage. I  explained to her what was wrong with each. I held forth for some time and with some passion.

Eventually we went to the Outside with her pushing the carriage, wearing the black garment, and carrying me as I would prefer – on her side, but facing forward so I can watch the leaves.

The Yellow Bear

Sometimes on the wall of sound and light there is a yellow bear who dances and a window with an arch. These things please me.

Today when I was midway through one of my more lengthy remonstrations, one attendant took the wand and made the wall dance with many things but there was no bear. The other attendant took the wand and made desperate attempts but the wall only showed heads of tedious talking.

I did not cease my lecture, but included the absence of the bear amongst my admonishments.

The attendants quarreled amongst themselves meantime. One of them left the chamber with stomping. The other reached down to me with her hand-light.

I have deduced that her hand light is a device for the feeble minded, as she needs to refer to it constantly and requires it to navigate the world. I pushed it away as I have no need of such aid and was offended. She brought it back again and I was set to strike her when I saw upon it the yellow bear.

Too Late for Begging

When I woke I was still in the carriage. Oh how they mock me.

But then it became clear to me that we were in The Place beyond the Realm. They made faces of pain to indicate that here was not the place to instruct and remonstrate; here was a place of silence, their faces begged.

Too late for begging! I cried. I held forth for some time.

Their faces took on heat and redness and I was quickly taken back to the carriage, and hence to my chamber.

Yet More Incompetence

This morning I wanted to dine on the sweet, cool thing. But no. They brought into the chamber the hot yellow thing. I made my displeasure known.

They took it away and I thought all was well. But when they returned to the chamber, it was still the hot yellow thing – as it had been served the last time, but this time with the soft green thing beside it.

Not realising their error they blew breath on the yellow and sang songs with faces. I protested.

I was carried afar and then into the moving contraption.

This gave me pause. They are of feeble mind and it may be dangerous to push them too far to understanding.

A New Insolence

Today when I was midway through a rebuke (I was only three hours in, and was only just getting to the specifics of their incompetence) the attendants removed me from the demesne and placed me prone in a wheeled vestibule.

I did not show that I was in any way perturbed, and maintained a stony silence in order to withstand the sensory assault of the place beyond the realm.

Due to the sorcery of this device, some time did pass without my noticing. It was not unpleasant.

However, when we returned to the demesne, I continued the remonstration from where I left off in order to show I was in no way shaken by their insolence.

Insufficient Tribute

This day some other attendants and their masters visited my abode. I presume their purpose was to pay homage to my greatness and bring tribute.

I have not yet determined whether it was insolence or incompetence or both, but at times my attendant offered service to the other attendants (one of my meals was inexcusably delayed because of this insolence). Perhaps my attendant is even more lowly than I suspected.

As their tributes were insufficient and their chatter bored me, I announced that it was time to depart.

They did not.

I conjured a foul wind and still they would not leave.

I made my displeasure known to the attendants at great length and volume in the hours following the incident.