Today heralded a new level of invention in their constant quest to avoid acquiescing with my few, simple requests.
In an attempt to escape her duties, one of them suddenly closed her eyes and made a violent dive backwards into a horizontal position on the floor. From here she did not stir until roused by the other with much shaking and shouting.
The affront did not end there, as the other attendant did not admonish the delinquent one but instead encouraged her eccentric display by half-carrying her to the soft platform on which I occasionally dine and urging her to remain there in a slovenly position of repose for some time.
To add further insult to whole affair, they spent much of the day engaged in tedious discourse about this new indolence they call “fainting”. The one who “fainted” told the story again and again, all day, to anyone who would listen. “You must be exhausted”, people kept saying to her, which is an absurd statement as she spent a good part of the morning laying inert.
One of the grand-attendants came to pay homage to me in the evening, and instead of focusing on the movements I make with my hands – which would normally and quite rightly cause him to praise my greatness – he listened with a serious face as the attendant started to tell the story again. “Oh god I can’t stand it!” I shouted. “This is so boring!” But instead of agreeing with me, the other attendant lifted me from my usual place of dining and carried me to the bathing quarters at a very unsuitable time.
I made my displeasure known to her in no uncertain terms.